This Can't be the End
by newimagination
Summary: This takes place post 5x11 locker room scene, where Gail and Holly try and figure out how to move forward or move on.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Gail had let her mind wander, staring into space while she sat at her desk post for the day. She had been given desk duty for her shift today, but instead of scoffing in her usual manner about it, she welcomed it today. She was too distracted to be of much use in the field and truth be told, she felt she could use the alone time. The last thing she needed today was to be trapped in a car for 12 hours with Price and her incessant banter.

It had been exactly 2 days and 4 hours since Holly left on her flight to San Francisco. Gail tried not to count the hours, but she couldn't help herself. She now sat back in her chair and flashed back to that night, the night she had hoped would go very differently, the night she actually let herself believe for a moment that she, Gail Peck, was finally going to get everything she could have pictured she ever wanted – A painfully beautiful, loving, truly amazing girlfriend and an adorable, smart and insane, as Gail likes to call her, daughter. She didn't kid herself into thinking it was all going to be easy and that Holly wouldn't have concerns with the sudden news sprung on her, but after Holly stormed into that interrogation room and kissed her as though no one else in the world had ever existed, Gail had faith that her and Holly were truly meant to be and would overcome any obstacles together.

And then the words left Holly's mouth that day in the locker room and hung in the air as though they had escaped from the depths of Gail's worst fears. She heard the words, but took several moments to process, standing silently staring back into those beautiful brown eyes that had the power to absolutely crush her. In another life where Sophie hadn't existed, Gail wouldn't have hesitated to take Holly up on her offer to join her. She had let Holly get away once and she would have never made that mistake again. But this was reality, and she now has her heart split in two, both Holly and Sophie grasping with equal force. She knew she couldn't ask Holly to stay, and she knew she couldn't leave, not without Sophie. The pause between them had been several moments, and Gail was sure she had allowed the grasp of her heartbreak to show in her face, not being able to bring herself to look Holly back in the eyes. Before Gail could respond, Holly slowly walked over to her and gently lifted her chin up towards her with her hand so she could stare into those gorgeous blue eyes that always melted her heart. In that moment a single tear started to fall from Gail's eye and she felt everything in her brain telling her to beg Holly to stay, beg her not to leave. Not now, not when she had finally just gotten her back. Before she could say anything, Holly pressed her lips to Gail's and held them there, conveying the emotions they were both struggling to accept, the realities they hadn't known before Holly entered the room that night.

"PECK! Look alive would ya? The phone isn't going to answer itself" Oliver called from the stairs up to his office. And with that, Gail was back into reality, the reality that put her and Holly thousands of miles apart. Another call, another day on the job. Just as she hung up the phone, the courier came by with a stack of files he was dropping off for detective Nash. She let a little smirk slip out before she even realized. "I guess the courier hadn't been dead after all" she thought to herself.

Gail went home that night after shift and wanted nothing more than to drown her sorrows in a bottle of tequila. Instead she opted for cheese puffs and self-pity on the couch because she had to train herself to prepare for her future as a potential parent to Sophie and behavior like that wouldn't be acceptable, no matter how shitty she felt. After devouring the bag and settling on a silly comedy on Netflix she was going to watch, she went to change into something more comfortable that she had no intentions of changing out of until 2 days from then when she had to see the light of day again to go in for her next shift. When she entered her room and rummaged through her laundry basket she caught sight of it. Holly's big grey sweater. She picked it up and checked to see if it still smelled of Holly, a mixture of her vanilla moisturizer and that enchanting perfume Gail could never get enough of. The smell was still there, but was faint. Another reminder of the time that had passed since Holly was there in Gail's room. Holding the sweater tightly hugged in her arms, she flashes back to that night. Against both of their better judgment after that fateful locker room revelation, they couldn't stay away from each other. It had been only 3 hours after they parted ways at the station that night before Gail heard her phone go off. It was a text from Holly.

**Holly**: I know it's late and we're an emotional disaster right now, but I can't sleep and I would kill just about anyone to feel you sleeping next to me tonight.

Gail re-read that message several times, trying each time to convince herself not to do it. Not to throw on the first pair of pants she could find and run to Holly's. She knew it would be a bad idea. Holly was leaving and she was staying. She typed out a reply and hit send quickly before she had a chance to change her mind.

**Gail**: No murdering required, come over here. Now.

"Shit" Gail exclaimed out loud. Logical Gail knew this would make things so much worse, but emotional Gail couldn't think of anything she wanted more than to feel Holly's skin on her skin, to hear her breathing next to her. Her phone went off again.

**Holly**: I'll be there in 10 minutes

"Shit"

* * *

"Dr. Stewart, this is Dr. Dunphy. He will be working closely alongside you with the next few projects we have starting" Dr. Ryan Green announced. He was one of Holly's new boss' in San Francisco. It was her first day at work after a hectic 2 days of travel and frantic unpacking in her small, but quaint new apartment.

"Nice to meet you Dr. Dunphy, feel free to call me Holly though, I insist." She extended her hand to meet his in a handshake. "Alright Holly, will do! I will check back in with you later this afternoon, I have a few other tasks to attend to this morning. Please, make yourself at home here and set up however you like."

It was a state of the art lab, with all the research and test equipment she could have ever imagined in her wildest nerd dreams. She should feel happy, she should feel proud that she had gotten this incredible job opportunity. Instead she felt empty and miserable. It had been 2 days since she saw Gail, and their last encounter was exhausting and utterly heart wrenching. Gail had insisted on being the one to drop her off at the airport, despite the fact they both knew it was going to be almost impossible to watch each other leave for the last time, to give each other their last kiss. Holly knew Gail couldn't leave Toronto, not after she saw how she lit up talking about that little girl. She could hear it in Gail's voice, and see it in the expression on her face when she spoke of her that she had been completely taken by Sophie. Holly knew Gail one day wanted kids, she just hadn't pictured it being so soon, so sudden. Despite that, she had no doubt that Gail would be an incredible mother. Holly wasn't about to do anything to take that away from Gail. Holly contemplated staying, taking back her job acceptance and staying in Toronto. Her contemplations kept her up every night for the 2 weeks before she had left. She wanted Gail more than she had ever wanted anyone, but was unsure of how to navigate this uncertain path. She was worried that carrying on with their relationship would distract Gail from her adoption process, that somehow it would interfere with the hoops Gail was going to have to jump through before Sophie would ever be allowed to go home with her. She wouldn't be able to live with herself if she had done anything to get in the way of something she could tell Gail was aching for. She knew Gail had wanted to ask her to stay, though she wouldn't let herself ask that sacrifice of Holly, Holly could sense it every time she felt a longing stare of those disarming blue eyes of hers in those last 2 weeks they spent together.

Holly remembered that first night after their life altering locker room encounter, the night she gave in to her impulses and asked Gail to spend the night with her. Gail being Gail, Holly had half expected her to ignore her message and be already fleeing for the hills never to be heard from again as she had done last time she thought she was trying to avoid heartbreak. She had never sped so much in her life as she did driving to Gail's immediately after receiving her reply. She needed her that night, she needed to allow herself one last night of the illusion that her and Gail were together and that everything was perfect, that no bombs had been dropped, no time had passed since they were last together. She loved Gail more than she thought she could ever love anyone, and for that night she just needed to give into that feeling. She knew they needed to talk more in depth once they both had time to process in order to try and gain understanding and closure, but that night was not the night for that. That would have to wait for the morning to rear it's ugly head.

The minute Gail opened the front door Holly felt as though her knees were going to give in. Even in her disheveled state, Gail was breathtaking. That feeling, since the first day they met, never seemed to go away for Holly. "Hi, I'm glad you're here" Gail confessed as she led Holly into her apartment. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else" Holly replied.

"Dr Stewart, are you in here?" Holly heard Dr Dunphy call from the entrance of her lab, snapping her out of her recollection. "I'm here, in the office" she replied. "Oh here you are. A few of us were heading out to lunch at this lovely bistro down the street and would love for you to join us" Dunphy insisted. "Sure, I'll grab my bag and meet you out front" she responded. Holly really just wanted nothing more than to be left alone in her office organizing her books and paperwork, but she didn't want to make a bad first impression. After all, the last thing she wanted was for anyone to inquire about her current state of mind. She mustered up the best smile she could and walked towards the doors to greet her new colleagues.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I know this story feels kind of sad at the moment but don't worry, I have a plan! The RB writers made me sad enough this season so I'm planning to end on a happier note. If you like the story and want to stick with it I promise I will deliver some warm fuzzies. Thanks for reading and I have no beta, so any mistakes are my own and I apologize in advance! **

Chapter 2

Still clutching the sweater in her arms, Gail couldn't help but continue to remember that night, even though it pained her heart to spend so much time thinking about Holly.

She opened the door less than 10 minutes after she received Holly's reply to her text, thinking to herself _Wow that was fast._ As soon as she opened the door she caught sight of that stunning brunette standing there in her doorway with a look that could only be described as desperation and longing. She was wearing that soft grey sweater Gail loved to cuddle up to, and black tights that hugged her in all the right places. She had a surge of emotions and thoughts running through her head, trying to drown them out by reminding herself, _keep it cool Peck, you cannot be throwing yourself on her in this doorway. She's here to sleep remember, no funny business._ As she led Holly into her apartment and to the living room she could feel Holly eyeing her, and in order to break the tension palpitating between them and to try and disguise her emotional state she looked back at her and broke the silence with her usual Peck wit. "Your eyes are going to be the only thing undressing me tonight Lunchbox. We're implementing a PG rule. Don't think I don't notice you staring at me like your glasses have x-ray vision" she said raising her brow and letting a slight smirk escape. Gail knew she hadn't meant that, there was never a moment she didn't want Holly to undress her, she just needed to say it out loud in order to try and convince herself that she wasn't going to let anything happen that would make this already excruciatingly painful day even more complicated by giving into their physical desires.

"Don't worry, I have more than enough mental visuals saved up in my head of what's under those clothes. I don't need x-ray glasses for that" Holly replied, also flashing one of her signature crooked smiles. _Jesus Christ that backfired so hard _Gail thought to herself. She could feel her face turning red and forgot for a moment to inhale. Resisting Holly Stewart was not going to be easy. Once she regained her composure she decided to deflect that comment by changing topics completely. "If you're still feeling wide awake we could pick a movie to watch before bed?" She knew Holly wasn't there to talk, and she was happy about that. Not that she was planning to avoid talking altogether this time, she knew it had to happen, but she was content to just forget about the technicalities of their situation for the night.

"Sure, a mindless comedy would great right about now" Holly replied.

They each took a seat on the couch, apprehensively trying to decide how close to sit to each other. Holly had, after all, wanted to come over to be next to her, fall asleep in her embrace, and Gail knew that and had also wanted the same when she sent that text she had tried not to send. She wanted to feel as close as possible to Holly tonight, but didn't want to push the boundaries that would cause havoc on their current predicament. She looked at Holly sitting just out of arms reach, knowing most likely she was have the same internal contemplation, and said "Not all of us have huge arms Hol, you're going to need to shimmy a little closer over here if you want a piece of this Peck cuddle" Holly let out a huge smile and moved her body directly beside Gail's and let her head rest on her shoulder as Gail wrapped her arms around her. As though it was an old habit she couldn't break, Gail planted a soft kiss on Holly's forehead as they assumed their positions and the movie started. She felt Holly's body tense up for a moment, and then put her arms around Gail's waist and held tightly as though she was never planning on letting go.

The movie credits rolled and Gail had felt as though she didn't move an inch the entire time, nor had she been paying any attention to it. All she could focus on was Holly cuddled up in her arms, her smell, the way she breathed, how soft her skin was. _You're doing good Gail, now just go to sleep and you won't create another mess to deal with in the morning_ she told herself. "So, I guess we should probably try and get some sleep now otherwise neither of us will be able to wake up for work tomorrow" Gail suggested. Holly nodded in agreement and they made their way to Gail's bedroom.

Holly started to remove her sweater before getting into bed, and as she lifted it over her head her tank top moved up with it, exposing nearly all her stomach. Gail couldn't avoid staring. She tried to avert her eyes, but her eyes refused to cooperate. Shivers ran down her entire body. _You're in deep shit now Peck. _Holly threw her sweater in the laundry hamper and pulled down her tank and pretended for Gail's sake that she hadn't just caught her staring. She climbed into what was dubbed her side of the bed by Gail when they were together and patted on the other side motioning Gail to come join her. Gail instantly complied and assumed the little spoon position and they pulled the blankets over. Holly's arms were wrapped tightly around Gail and their legs tangled together, Holly's breath softly touching the back of Gail's neck. She was convinced Holly could feel the heavy pounding of her heart as her body lay tensely pressed against Holly's. Her eyes were wide open, her mouth starting to motion to say the words she knew she shouldn't.

"Um…Holly?"

"Yes?" Holly replied, her voice anxious to hear what was about to come out of the blonde's mouth

"If I decided to veto my own PG rule, would that be terribly inappropriate? I mean, I know you said you just wanted to sleep next to me tonight, it's just that you're here and being all ridiculously adorable and sexy at the same time and I can't help bu…" and before she could finish her nervous ramble she felt Holly turn her body to face her and they embraced in a kiss that was wrought with intense passion and desire. Once they opened that door there was no closing it, that night would not be spent sleeping. It would be spent giving into all of their physical desires that had over powered any ounce of willpower either of them attempted to maintain.

Gail put the sweater back down onto the bed beside her. Holly had forgotten to take it the morning after she spent the night. Probably due to the fact the morning after their night that involved very little actual sleep, Holly had nearly been late for work and her mind was not in a stable state as she left in a panic. Gail looked over again at the sweater and decided to pull it over her head and wear it. She missed Holly so damn much and to fit with her evening theme of loathing in self-pity she decided to fall asleep with the faint scent of Holly lingering in those soft grey threads.

* * *

It had now been a week since Holly had left Toronto and she was trying desperately to get into a routine that would give her hope of becoming distracted from her thoughts and emotions. She decided to start with ramping up her jogging routine, use her mornings to explore the city that was her new home while blowing off steam. She grabbed her iPod shuffle and out the door she went, unsure of exactly the route she would take but being open to the possibilities of where she'd end up. Less than 5 minutes out the door and the next song on her iPod starts humming in her ears

Adele – Love song

_Oh hell no. Not today _Holly thought to herself and she gave a slight shake to her iPod to queue the next song.

John Legend – All of me

_You have got to be shitting me. _She gave it another shake, determined to get back to focusing on her run that was slowly starting to seem like a bad idea.

Passenger – Let Her Go

_Seriously?No…Just no. This is not my day. Sweet Jesus have a little mercy _Holly begged as she gave it one last shake to hopefully be granted a break.

Mr Ms – Dark Doo Wop

"The universe hates me today" she groaned out loud as she ripped out of headphones and finally gave up on her iPod producing any songs that would take her mind of the one thing she was trying to distract herself from. That last song in particular sent her mind straight to Gail, and how it had been playing in the background the night Gail had first allowed herself to be completely vulnerable with Holly, sitting on her bathroom floor with almost all her hair in her hand. Much to Holly's surprise, that had been only one of many times Gail would open herself up to Holly like she had never done before with anyone else. Including the night after they had both unwisely given into their physical desire to be close to each other after they had each dropped their respective news bombs.

She still remembers every look and every word of that next night vividly in her head. Gail's text she had undoubtedly procrastinated sending until she could no longer keep it in.

**Gail: **You kind of took off in a hurry this morning. I'm sorry if what happened last night made you even more upset. It was my fault.

Holly stared at her phone for a few moments before typing her reply. She knew they had to talk, and she knew it wasn't going to be easy for either of them.

**Holly: **It's not your fault Gail. I wanted it just as much as you did. This situation is just…so complicated. Can you come by tonight after shift? We should probably talk now. We can't pretend forever.

Gail replied almost instantly, no doubt stressing over her phone screen waiting to see Holly's reply.

**Gail:** I will be there at 7:30

Holly spent the last half of her shift, completely distracted, growing more anxious and emotional the closer 7:30 came. She had gone over and over in her head what she wanted to say, what she was hoping to be able to say, giving herself pep talks that this was going to be what was best for them, especially for Gail. No matter how hard this was going to be, she convinced herself it had to be done and she had to stick to her resolve.

The knock at the door made Holly's heart jump. _This is it_ she thought to herself. She opened the door to find a very nervous looking Gail, a sadness in her eyes Holly had seen before when she had gone to return the thumb at the station a few weeks before. "Hey, come in. I have fresh coffee if you'd like some?" Holly greeted. "Sure, coffee would be great thanks" Gail replied.

As they settled on the couch with their coffee mugs in hand, they both looked at each other as if to contemplate who was going to start the conversation. Holly decided she should break the silence first.

"So, I'm not sure where to start so I guess I'll just skip to the big issues since I think that those are the 2 giant clouds above our heads right now" Holly started. She looked at Gail who nodded her head in agreement, but hadn't said anything in response, to which Holly took as a signal that she should continue. "I got this job offer almost out of nowhere by a Doctor who had been following some of my cases and articles I have been publishing. He reached out to me and told me about this amazing opportunity and I got temporarily lost in a moment of complete nerd excitement that I hastily said yes right away. As soon as I hung up the phone, my thoughts immediately turned to you. I had just made my bold observation room attempt at reconciliation, which by the way was not exactly how I planned it but you tend to have that effect on me, and I panicked as I processed what just happened. I stupidly thought I would make the grand gesture of asking you to come with me. Retrospect I know it's probably ridiculous, we hadn't even had the discussion of officially being back together and I managed to convince myself you would come with me. I…I guess it was just really wishful thinking, and very impulsive." Holy admitted. She paused for a moment to gauge Gail's reaction to see if she should continue or wait for her to reply. Gail finally started to open her mouth to speak, "I can pretty much say that it was definitely not what I expected was going to come out of your mouth that night. I can't really blame you for catching me off guard as I'm sure the news of my potential impending motherhood came as an equal surprise. " Holly nodded in agreement and decided to say something before she lost her resolve to stick to her plan.

"Gail…I know I didn't react to your news well that night, but I want you to know that I think you will make an amazing mother. I've seen you with Leo and you just have this way with kids that makes them absolutely love you. You have a hard exterior with most people, but when it comes to kids you let your walls down and make them see how amazing and loving you are. I've thought about this almost every minute since that locker room and I know you can't come with me, I wouldn't let you now that I know about Sophie. I also think it's best if I keep this job offer in San Francisco. You're going to have a long and complicated road ahead of you as you continue on with the adoption process and I would be devastated if I prevented you in any way from getting Sophie home with you. I'm worried I'd be a distraction and an added level of complication to the process…" Holly faded out, noticing Gail's inability to look at her. Holly pulled Gail's face up to look at her and noticed the tears filling her eyes. Holly couldn't hold hers back anymore either, and they both spent a moment in an embrace, each consoling the other in their impossible situation. Gail pulled back for a moment to say something. "I want you to know that I hadn't planned for this, it just kind of happened. Sophie tugged at all my heart strings and I couldn't leave her to the system. I thought you were long gone after the last time we had spoken, so I poured all my energy into this little girl. I…I just feel so many emotions right now. I never thought I'd get you back, and now I feel like I'm losing you all over again." Gail paused for a moment before hesitantly saying "I know I can't ask you to stay and give up this opportunity of a lifetime, but I kind of selfishly want to ask you to spend this last 2 weeks with me…we can try and do it as friends, I just feel like I need to get any time with you I possibly can before I have to say goodbye to you." Holly wasn't sure being just friends with Gail Peck was going to be a realistic option given how they feel about each other, but she also felt an intense need to spend as much time with Gail as possible. Whatever the repercussions would be of that decision later she would have to deal with, but for now she looked into those blue eyes and wiped away the tears gently with her thumbs and replied "You are the only person I want to spend my last 2 weeks in Toronto with Gail."

Holly was now back home from her jog, where instead of clearing her mind, she spent the entire time thinking back to Gail. If this was her idea of trying to get over Gail, she was failing miserably. She made a plan to erase her iPod and start fresh, opting to leave off any and all love songs or songs that reminded her of Gail and would try again tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So I'm writing this story switching back and forth from their present time to the 2 weeks before Holly left so that I can reveal parts of the story at a time as I go along until eventually it all lines up with their present and then continue from there. I hope it's not too confusing! If it is, let me know and I can try and switch it up for the next few chapters. I usually also go into both Gail and Holly's POV in each chapter but I got a little carried away with myself this chapter so I will do a separate Holly chapter next. **

**CHAPTER 3**

"Hey kiddo, I don't want to pry, but you've seemed really off the last few weeks. An unusually low amount of snark and sarcasm has been coming from your direction lately, not that I would normally complain about that, but it has me worried about you" Oliver confessed to Gail. He had asked her to talk for a moment in his office, having been noticing her unusual behavior.

"I'm sorry Ollie, I've just been going through a lot of things in my head and I guess it's got me feeling a little distracted and feeling less in the mood for my usually impeccable wit and charm" she replied, giving a little shrug of her shoulders.

"Does this have to do with Holly leaving?" he asked. He hadn't known about the adoption yet, as Gail wanted to try and keep it a secret for a while, but knew that Holly had left for a job in San Fransisco.

"I'd be lying if I said no…it's been really really shitty not having her here, not talking to her. I'm trying to distract myself from thinking about it, but it's nearly impossible when everything seems to remind me of her," Gail admitted, fumbling with her hands in her lap, clearly feeling a little anxious and awkward with this un-Gail like discussion of emotions.

"But I thought you two were going to keep in touch, try to stay friends? Why haven't you been speaking to her?" Oliver asked, with a raised brow of confusion on his face.

"Well…yea. We said we wanted to stay in each other's lives regardless of the fact we aren't together anymore, but we agreed that we would both need some time of radio silence to adjust to the changes…I mean Holly was never really _just_ my friend, let's be honest. We can't just flick a switch and pretend to be friends when we both know full well that we are more than that to each other. Plus we kind of spent her last 2 weeks here blurring that friendship line….a lot. So, hense the radio silence and my current state of being a complete sad sack." Gail was trying her best to maintain her composure, not wanting to start to cry in front of him. _That would be embarrassing_ she thought.

"Ah, I get it Gail. I knew there was something going on with you two long before you wanted to admit it. But maybe now that's its been a few weeks, it would be ok to just call and check in on her. Maybe if you got to talk about how she's doing over there and hearing about her awesome new job and seeing that she's doing something that makes her happy you would start to feel a little better? I don't really know the full story of what happened with you two before she left, but I do know that this has really affected you and I hate seeing you so….damn sad" Oliver said, with a look of complete sincerity and compassion on his face.

Gail had planned to eventually tell Oliver about the adoption, especially because she needed another reference and wanted to ask if he would do it for her. She figured now was a good a time as any seeing as she was caught in an uncharacteristic moment of sharing her feelings with a friend that she trusted.

"Well…do you remember that little girl Sophie I had told you about, the one I had been going to see?" She waited until he nodded his head to continue. "Well, she just completely melted my heart and I fell in love with that little girl. So, I thought about it long and hard and decided that I wanted to start the adoption process, to adopt Sophie." Gail paused as she studied the look on Oliver's face, expecting him to tell her it was a bad idea, that she shouldn't let cases like that get to her because it was part of her job and she couldn't adopt all the kids that broke her heart on the job. But instead, he took a breath and started to speak.

"Gail…I'm proud of you." Gail gave him a confused look before he continued. "I know how hard it is for you to open up, to let people in and here you are, completely opening your heart to this little girl who has no one left in her world. That takes a lot of courage, and I have no doubt you will provide one hell of a life for that little girl." That was it, Gail could no longer hold in the tears.

"Thanks Oliver, that really means a lot coming from you…I was hoping to ask you if you would maybe be a personal reference for me? The social worker asked me for a list of people she could contact to find out more about me, my life, my job and everything else and you came to mind as someone I trust."

Oliver reached over the desk and took Gail's hand and replied, "I'd be honored with the privilege Gail. Thank you for trusting me enough to ask. I think I also understand the predicament you found yourself in with Holly."

Gail nodded her head, "I thought Holly and I were done after I had royally screwed things up, so when she came barging back into my life I had already started the process and she had no idea. And then she tells me she got an incredible job offer in San Francisco and wanted me to come with her. It was like half of my world crashed down in that moment because I knew she would have to leave, and that I couldn't follow."

"Did she meet Sophie before she left?" Oliver inquired.

Gail nodded hear head as she remembered the day she had asked Holly to come with her to her weekly visitation with Sophie. There were only a few more days before Holly's flight left for San Fran. She was nervous about asking, unsure of how Holly would react. Holly made it clear she was supportive with Gail's decision to adopt, but she was worried it would put her in an awkward position. She tucked her apprehension aside because she wanted the two people she loved most to meet each other, to know who they were. When she finally worked up the courage to ask Holly as they were sitting out on a patio for lunch, Holly didn't hesitate before responding, "Of course, I'd love to meet this little girl who's stolen your heart." And placed a hand softly on Gail's and gave a comforting rub.

They met Gail's social worker a few hours later at a local library, and once Sophie caught sight of Gail she came running. "GAIL!" she exclaimed before charging up and giving her a big hug. "Hey sweetheart!" Gail responded, a wide smile stretching across her face. "Hey Soph, I have someone here I want you to meet." Gail gestured over to Holly and continued "This is Holly Stewart, the doctor I was telling you about." Holly offered her hand "Hi Sophie, it's very nice to meet you, Gail has told me so much about you."

Instead of taking Holly's outstretched hand, Sophie went in for a full-fledged hug. "Gail was right, you ARE really pretty" Sophie confessed as she released Holly from the hug. Holly smiled, "you are very pretty yourself Sophie."

"Gail, Holly, come on! I want to show you some of my favourite books! Over here!" Sophie called out while she made a dash for the children's book section. Holly couldn't help but give Gail a smirk as they made their way over "So you've been talking about me, eh officer?" Gail felt her cheeks go a few shades of red. "Well she was SUPPOSED to keep it a secret, pfff who's side is she on anyway" Gail replied, a look of slight embarrassment on her face. Holly let out a laugh and gave a wink in Gail's direction.

20 minutes had passed and it felt like hours. Gail sat and observed Holly and Sophie, Holly introducing Sophie to her favourite nerdy books she liked as a child, and Sophie completely immersing herself in every word out of Holly's mouth. Gail just watched the two of them carry on, filled with affection and awe for the moment she was witnessing. There they were, her two favourite girls getting along as though they'd known each other for years. Holly Caught Gail staring at some point and broke Gail's focus with a smile.

After the visitation was over they headed back to Holly's place, mostly silence filling the car during the drive. As they entered Holly's apartment she broke the silence. "She's such an awesome kid Gail, I can see how you fell in love with her. She's still filled with so much happiness despite the fact life hasn't been that kind to her. She's hilarious in her own way, almost suspiciously sarcastic at times as though a certain someone has been rubbing off on her" holly says, playfully poking at Gail's side as she mentioned the last part.

"I will not deny or confirm those accusations, Lunchbox." Gail retorts, now reaching over to tickle Holly's side. Holly flinches and tries to escape Gail's hands that are tickling her sides but Gail follows, eventually leading them to fall over onto the couch in a fit of laugher. Gail stops almost suddenly and stares into Holly's eyes. Holly looks back at her, asking if everything is ok. Gail pauses before answering "Yea…yea I'm fine it's just…." She trails off before finishing her thought.

"It's ok Gail, you can tell me, please" Holly pleads.

"Well…I need to give the Social Worker a list of people that she can contact as personal references as part of the adoption process, and I was kind of hoping I could ask you…you know the real me better than anyone." Gail said softly.

"I'd be honored to do that for you. Anything I can do to help you get Sophie, consider it done" Holy quickly replied.

Gail looked up at Holly and smiled while taking her hand into her own. "Thank you, it really means a lot to me. A...and I…." she trailed off again, unable to get out the other thing she had been wanting to ask.

"Gail, honey, what is it?" Holly now had a look of concern across her face.

"It's just seeing you two and how well you get along just pulled hard at my heart strings. It might not be fair for me to ask…but do you think that maybe, if things work out and Sophie gets to come home with me, that you would want to be in her life too? Like, maybe we could come to San Francisco and visit you sometime? I mean, if that's ok…you could be like the cool aunt who teaches her all about that nerdy science stuff she seems to share a liking to." Gail looked away almost immediately after saying it, afraid of what Holly would reply. She didn't have to wait more than a second to find out.

"Of course Gail, anyone that is that important to you, is also important to me. Besides, If she keeps up learning that Gail wit of yours she's going to be impossible to resist, just like her mentor" Holly gives Gail a little bump with shoulder with a smile on her face.

She isn't sure if it was just a natural reaction when she was near Holly, or if it was the events of the day, or the words that had just come out of Holly's mouth, but she found herself lunging over to Holly and straddling herself across her lap. She took Holly's face between her hands and stared at her intently before meeting their lips with a kiss. She could feel Holly's hands reach back under her shirt and run her hands up along the skin of her back. There was no hesitation in their motions, their body's dictating their actions. Before long Gail had taken Holly by the hand and led her to the bedroom, neither of them wanting to stop the moment by trying to remind the other they were supposed to be attempting to be just friends. Because if Gail knew anything, she knew Holly, with those eyes, that body, that smirk, that beautiful mind, was never just her friend.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Holly entered her apartment after what felt like the most exhausting and hectic day at work. She was now in week 3 of her new job and diving in head first, welcoming the distraction a hectic work life offered. She tossed her keys onto the counter and paused when she looked down at them. Another reminder of Gail, another recent memory she couldn't get out of her head.

Gail had insisted, no, practically demanded that she be the one to take Holly to the airport on her last day. It's not that Holly didn't want her to, it's that she was afraid she wouldn't be able to say goodbye. They had spend most of the early morning in silence, neither of them really knowing what to say to the other. It was as though a dark air filled the room, a cloud of angst and sadness hovered over them. Gail watched as holly finished packing the last of her things into her suitcase, the rest of her belongings tucked away in a storage garage Gail had helped her with the day before. Holly could feel Gail's gaze on her, but didn't want to look at her for fear she would start crying.

Holly locked the door to her apartment for the last time and they took Holly's luggage down the elevator and out to Gail's car, still silent, not a word passing between them. After they loaded up Gail's trunk they sat in the car and Gail hesitated before putting her keys into the ignition.

"I need you to tell me that we will still be friends, that we will still be in each other's lives no matter what. I need to hear you say it Holly" Gail quickly blurted out, a hint of desperation seeping out of her voice.

Holly finally mustered the ability to look into Gail's piercing eyes, she could feel herself resisting the tears that were building up behind her eyes. "Gail…I don't want to lose you. I want you in my life, you're too important to me for there to be any other option. But I need you to also understand that I'm going to need a little bit of time…I can't just shut these feelings off. You're more than a friend to me. I…I love you so much."

Gail looked at Holly as if she misheard what Holly had just said. "You…You love me?"

Holly's heart almost broke at the thought of Gail actually believing she wouldn't love such an amazing person. "I love you, Gail Peck. Like, utterly and hopelessly in love with you that it makes me feel like I'm going completely insane."

Gail was still staring at Holly, bewildered. "wow. I…I just… I think I've loved you since that day you kissed me in the coatroom. It scared me. A Lot, as I'm sure you could guess by my temporary disappearance…but Jesus Holly I love you like I never even knew was possible."

There was no stopping them now, the tears had freely started flowing down Holly's face as she broke her eye contact. She had felt that Gail loved her, she knew it deep down by the way Gail was with her, the looks she gave her. But She wasn't sure she would get to hear Gail say it out loud. She had wanted so badly to hear the words, but not like this. Not when she was about to get on a plane and fly over 2000 miles away and force herself to keep her resolve, that it was what would be best for Gail right now. Gail interrupted Holly's thoughts by pulling her in for a kiss, a kiss that confirmed all the words that had just been said.

Gail pulled back and started, "I understand if you need time, hell I probably am going to need time and daily cold showers to try and get to the point where I can even pretend to be just your friend. But I'm going to try my best to give you that time and respect the decision we made. I just want to see you happy Holly and I want to know that I can still be a part of your life."

Holly nodded, "we will figure this out. I won't lie and pretend it's going to be easy, but we will get there."

The drive to the airport felt excruciatingly long. There had been little other words spoken as they drove, hands intertwined across the center console.

Once they parked and Holly went to reach for her bags, Gail quickly grabbed her carry on and insisted she be the one to carry that plus one of Holly's other suitcases. Holly took the other suitcase and they made their way to check in. Holly checked her suitcases and Gail followed her until she got as far as she was allowed to go. She set Holly's carry on bag on the ground and embraced Holly in a hug, the tightest hug she had ever felt, pressed up tight enough against Gail's chest that she could feel her heart pounding against hers. They stood there for several moments before breaking apart slightly.

"You're going to kick ass out there Lunchbox, I know it." Gail said, initiating what would be their goodbye. "I'm going to give you some time, but can you at least send me a quick email once you are at your new place so I know you made it safely? Otherwise I might use my connections to send a search party over there for you, and maybe even an air squad"

Holly couldn't help but let out a little smirk. "I will Gail, don't worry, the minute I step foot in my new apartment I will email you." She put her hands on each side of Gail's face and pulled her in for one last kiss. "Gail…I better get going because the longer I stand here with you the less likely it is that I'm going to be able to get on that plane."

Gail bent down to pick up Holly's bag and pass it to her. "I'm just going to stand here and watch until you are out of sight. I can't force myself to move until you pass around that corner so I'm going to need you to take one for the team here." She gave Holly another gentle kiss as she let go of the bag that was now in Holly's hand.

Holly had managed to get herself on the plane and was searching for her phone to turn it off before putting it in the cabin above her. She opened it to find a message from Gail.

**Gail:** left side pocket. I slipped something in there when you weren't looking. Safe flight….I love you

Holly dug her hand into the pocket Gail mentioned and pulled out what she had left there. A keychain. A red lunchbox keychain with inscriptions on both sides. She turned it to the first side 

"Officer + Lunchbox"

She flipped it over to see the other inscription

"Plus 1 forever"

She closed her hand around the keychain and felt her eyes water again. It was a small gesture, but coming from Gail it meant everything. She put it onto her keychain right away and decided to keep them in her pocket for the duration of the flight. She sat back down in her seat, turned her head to gaze out the window and clutched the keychain in her hand.

Holly shook herself from her memory she found herself lost in as she turned her eyes away from the lunchbox keychain sitting on her countertop. She was further shaken from her recollections as she heard a buzzing from her phone. She picked it up and her heart nearly flew out of her chest.

It was Gail. The first contact they have had since she left to get on that plane. She took a deep breath before sliding her finger across the screen to answer the call.

"Hey there Officer"

"Hey there yourself, Lunchbox"


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: So after a couple suggestions I decided to make the moments that take place in the past put in italics, to make it easier to distinguish and avoid confusion. Hope that helps!**

**Thanks to everyone for your reviews! I have my last chapter written out already because I knew how I wanted to end this. I think I will likely do 1 or 2 more chapters before the final to bring everything together. Unless my keyboard gets away from me, then it could be longer. But that's the plan for now**

**CHAPTER 5**

It felt good, talking to Holly again. They had been talking on the phone once or twice a week for the last 4 weeks now. Gail was almost always tempted to call her every day, but she stopped herself. She figured it would be a little overkill if they were doing the whole "just friends" thing. It still felt weird even nearly 2 months after she left to try and call Holly her _friend_ but it was either this or not have her in her life at all, so there wasn't really an alternative in her mind. Normally Holly would update Gail on all the nerdy research she was working on and any funny stories she had from her random adventures exploring her new surroundings. Gail mostly kept Holly updated on Sophie, all the funny things she would say or any of the messages she had asked Gail to relay to Holly. Gail had been curious as to whether or not Holly had been meeting new people, specifically lesbian people, but she was too afraid to ask because she wasn't sure she could handle the answer if it was anything other than no. But it was there, the thought in the back of her mind every time they had their regular phone calls and today was no exception.

"Sooo Lunchbox, I bet the ladies over there in that gay mecca you call home have been trying to get their hands on you by now" Gail blurted out. She wasn't sure if she had meant to say it quite so bluntly, but there it was, and she couldn't take it back now.

"Well the people I see are dead Gail, so that would be a bit creepy if they were" Holly replied, having just been talking about work before that comment surprised her. She was hoping if she played it off as a joke they wouldn't have to talk anymore about it.

"Oh come on, you know what I mean. Have you….Have you been seeing anyone? Like, going on dates and such?" Gail's voice a little apprehensive. There was a few seconds of silence which felt like forever in Gail's mind and she braced herself for the worse.

"Gail…" Holly paused and let out a deep sigh. "I am really nowhere near ready to contemplate dating right now. I'm really just trying to put my energy into my work. Plus, the last time I decided to try and rebound date someone to get over you it didn't work and I felt like an asshole for it so it's not something I was planning to repeat."

Gail let out a sigh of relief, though she hadn't meant for it to be loud enough for Holly to hear, which Gail was almost certain she did. "I know as a friend I'm probably not supposed to be secretly hoping you were not seeing anyone, but as a friend who is not quite over this yet, I have to admit I'm not so secretly thrilled. I was worried I'd have to sulk the rest of the night away over here in a sea of jealousy. I don't know if that makes me a bad person or not buuuuut there it is."

"You're not a bad person, Gail. This is just harder than I think we originally anticipated it would be. But I'm still sticking with what I said, I want you in my life no matter what so we are going to get used to this whole friend thing eventually. But for now you have nothing to be jealous about, unless you get jealous about me spending 10 or more hours a day with dead bodies." Holly let out a slight laugh, trying again to lighten the mood.

"Gross. I'll never understand your nerdiness, Lunchbox." Gail was smiling now, feeling happier than she had felt before their conversation had started.

"Ok I'd better let you get your beauty rest now. Oh and before I forget, Sophie wanted me to ask you for some ideas of something super nerdy she could do for her school science fair coming up. Seeing as you're the biggest nerd I know, I'm sure you will have plenty of ideas for me to pass on to her. Keep in mind she's 8, so let's not go all mad scientist on this one."

"Ohhh don't you worry, I have plenty of ideas up my sleeve. I won all my science fairs as a child" there was clear excitement in Holly's voice now.

"Ooooof course you did, Nerd" Gail laughed at the image of a little Holly obsessing over a science fair project.

"I'll email you a full list of ideas with clear instructions. Make sure you go over it with her when you see her tomorrow! Goodnight Gail, I'll talk to you again in a few days."

"Night Holly"

She hung up the phone and still had a smile on her face. She felt a little bad for feeling happy that Holly was alone in a new city where she had no friends or family, but at the same time she really wasn't ready to stomach the alternative. _A few more weeks maybe and I'll get over it…maybe_ she thought to herself.

Less than 20 minutes passed since her conversation with Holly ended when she heard her phone go off. A new email from Holly. She opened it and started laughing.

"Jesus Christ this girl does not mess around" she said out loud after she had finished reading the very detailed 5 options Holly had mapped out to her. She smiled at the thought of how happy Sophie was going to be when she gets that list. She hasn't stopped talking about Holly and all her nerdy science stuff since that day in the library. It was strange how this little girl could remind her of Holly. Strange, but comforting. 

* * *

_What the hell are you even doing here?_ Gail thought to herself as she parked her car in front of a familiar building. She never thought she would show her face here again, not after the last two times she left horribly embarrassed, her inflated ego getting a long overdue reality check. Still, she was missing Holly more than usual today and she thought this would give her a little comfort.

She looked up at the sign on the building. "The Dugout Batting Cages"

Plus, she also really wanted to know if it had actually been Holly's fault she had sucked so bad the last 2 times they came, distracting her with those damn eyes, and the smile, or if she actually legitimately lacked any and all ability to hit a baseball while keeping the bat in her hands. Holly and dragged her here once more during her last 2 weeks in Toronto, much to Gail's objection.

"_Oh come on Gail, it's going to be fun! I am convinced that I can have you hit at least one ball by the end of the night" Holly was pulling Gail by the hand towards the entrance. _

"_Holly, I now legitimately think that you're actually trying to kill me so that you can get your nerdy Doctor hands all over my dead body" Gail pouted, still not quite recovered from the embarrassment her ego took last time they had come. _

_Holly let out a laugh and kept walking with Gail's hand inside the doors and towards the open cage. _

"_Ok I'll make you a deal. If you hit one ball tonight, just one, I will take you out for dinner, anywhere of your choosing. Even that greasy burger place you love that I can't stand" Holly proposed, waiting for Gail to respond. _

"_And if I don't?" She replied, giving Holly a quizzical stare_

"_Well if you don't, then you have to come to dinner at a place of my choosing, no complaining allowed" Holly raised her eyebrow, giving Gail a teasing stare. _

"_Oh god you're not going to take me to that nasty vegan place again are you? Holly, I'm not a rabbit. I need real food, and alcohol for that matter." Gail was still pouting._

"_Well I guess you better hit the ball then, Officer" Holly flashed a wink and passed Gail her bat and helmet. _

_Gail snatched the bat and helmet out of Holly's hands and walked into the cage with a look of determination on her face. "There's no way in hell I'm eating another piece of lettuce from that place" she thought to herself. The first ball comes towards her and she misses, but this time at least she manages to keep hold of the bat. "Progress" she thinks. She can feel Holly staring at her but doesn't want to look in her direction. It will only fluster her more so she maintains her stance and waits for the next ball to fly at her. _

_Missed again. "Dammit!" she said out loud, frustration seeping through her tone._

_Holly couldn't help but let out a little chuckle as she stopped the machine for a minute. "Gail, come here for a second, I'm going to give you some pointers"_

_Gail did as she was told and walked over to Holly, feeling equally as embarrassed as the last time they were here. "Have I told you lately that I curse the morons who invented this sport?"_

"_Not in the last 5 minutes, no" another laugh out of Holly, another serious glare from Gail. Then Gail's glare turned less piercing and turned into a more surprised look as Holly wrapped herself behind Gail, her chest pressed firmly against Gail's back. _

"_Ok so first of all you need to adjust your legs and posture, because you're never going to hit a ball standing like that." Holly said as she reached her arm from behind Gail and put each hand on her inner thighs as she moved her legs out wider. The touch from Holly started to make Gail feel hot. Very hot and very nervous, shivers running up and down her back. _

"_Then you need to keep your hands a little further down the base of the bat, like this" she reached up to take Gail's hands in hers and positioned them on the bat, matching their body's positions as she got the bat in place. Gail was sure her heart was beating entirely too fast, and if Holly didn't back away from her soon she wasn't going to be able to stop herself. _

"_Now bend your knees and keep more of your weight rested on the back leg until you swing. Ok now go give that a try" Holly said as she stepped back from Gail and let her make her way back into the cage. _

_Another ball came flying, and this time Gail took another swing and her hands cheated her and let the bat go flying. She was far too distracted and aroused to be focusing on anything other than Holly. Holly, who was now laughing hysterically from behind the cage. _

"_Ok that's it, you're officially my least favorite person right now and I officially hate baseball with the fire of a thousand suns." Gail exclaimed as she quickly took off her helmet and practically ran out of the cage. _

"_Would I go back to being your most favorite person if I offered to take you to that greasy burger joint as a consolation prize?" Holy said, taking Gail's hand in her own and giving her the best puppy face she could conjure. _

"_Oh you're good, Stewart. You and that face…just rude. I usually never accept pity prizes, but the thought of that vegan restaurant makes me gag so in this case, I will accept. Now let's get the hell out of here shall we?"_

Here She was again, for the third time. This time there was no Holly to distract her, so this would be the true test. She put her helmet on, grabbed the bat and stepped into the cage.

The first swing she misses, but still holds on to the bat. "That's ok, you're just getting warmed up, that was a practice shot" she says to herself. Another one comes, she misses it again, but this time only slightly, giving her a little hint of encouragement.

She misses 2 more of the balls flying her way until finally, the 5th ball that comes flying makes contact with her bat. It doesn't go far, but she hit it and that is more than enough of a win for Gail.

"YESSSSS!" she yells out loud. She was very pleased with herself in that moment, feeling as thought she had reclaimed a hint of her dignity that this batting cage stole from her twice before. She wasn't going to be trying out for any baseball teams anytime soon, but this, in her books, was a small and much needed win.

Gail's smile soon faded as she realized the one person she immediately wanted to call and share this moment with was Holly. She could technically call her and reveal this news, but she hesitated. She knew that if she called, she would have to explain what she was even doing at the batting cages because Holly knew full well she hated them with a passion. Thus far she had been trying really hard to keep her more than friend emotions to herself, trying to respect the decisions they made. It was hard because the only person Gail ever wanted to share any of her feelings with was Holly.

"What would I even say? Oh you know, I just tool a stroll down to the batting cages because I miss you so god damn much and needed something, anything to try and make me feel like you're still here with me." Gail thought to herself. She sighed, deciding it was best to keep this little victory to herself for now. She decided to stay at the batting cages a little longer, a little more time in a familiar place she shared with Holly. "This will get easier…this has to get easier eventually" she kept reminding herself.


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

Holly was slowly starting to get into her routine. It had been 2 and a half months since she moved here and though it still didn't feel like home yet, she was getting used to it. She'd start off her mornings with her 5k runs, switching up her paths to take in the different scenery San Francisco had to offer. She was enjoying her job, and she got a long really well with her colleagues for the most part. She hadn't really made any friends outside of work yet, which wasn't surprising since she was still shying away from social activity. _I really need to get a life soon_ she thought to herself.

She used these morning runs to relax, clear her mind before starting her day. Head phones in, morning sun having just raised in the sky, fresh air surrounding her. Only this morning, her run was interrupted by a phone call.

She picked up the phone and looked at the caller ID while wondering who the hell would be calling her so early in the morning. When she saw the area code, she realized it was a call from Toronto which was 3 hours ahead of her time zone, which started to make more sense given the hour. She took a seat at a nearby bench to answer the call, anxious to find out who was on the other end.

"Hello, this is Holly Stewart" She answered

"Hi Dr. Stewart? This is Anne Bristow calling from Children and Family Services. I'm the social worker assigned to Gail and Sophie's adoption case. Is this a good time?"

Holly had been wondering when she was going to be receiving this phone call after she had sent Gail her new phone number and details to pass along for her reference when she got to San Fran.

"Yes of course, hi Anne. And please, call me Holly."

The conversation lasted about 30 minutes, Holly answering both personal and work related questions about Gail and questions related to how she has seen Gail interact with children in her life. Holly could easily answer all of Anne's questions because she could recite every detail about Gail in her sleep. 

"Well Holly, that is about all the questions I had for you today. Did you have anything else you wanted to add that you think would be relevant?"

Holly paused for a moment and knew she wanted to make sure she said everything right.

"I've seen Gail with Sophie and I've heard her talk about her every single day we talk and I can tell you with absolute certainty that there is no one else that could love that child more than Gail already does. She lights up even with the mention of Sophie's name and talks about everything she does and says with such awe. And Sophie, I can tell, adores Gail. It's actually funny watching them interact because somehow they're so much alike, Sophie even shares Gail's sarcastic wit." Holly pauses for a moment to regain her composure, feeling suddenly very emotional.

"When Gail loves, she really really gives it her all. She's fiercely loyal, and I know she would do just about anything to keep the ones she loves safe. She's got a great sense of humor that makes everyone laugh, and though sometimes she can seem like she has a hard exterior she is actually very soft and has a huge heart when she lets you in. And when she does, she makes you feel incredibly loved, like you're the only person in the world that matters to her, like she'd sacrifice anything to make you happy. She will be great at being a mom. Actually better than great, she will be amazing. It's impossible for someone like Gail to be anything but amazing." Holly felt a tear running down her cheek. Saying all those things about Gail out loud stirred up intense emotions, confusing and terrifying emotions.

"Thank you very much Holly. I can tell you really care about Gail. I'll be sure to make note of your glowing recommendation. It helps a great deal to talk to people who know Gail so well. I think that's all I will need from you, but if anything else comes up I will give you a call."

"It was my pleasure. Nice speaking with you Anne, goodbye" Holly took her phone from her ear and hung up. She sat there for several moments, unable to move or form any logical thoughts.

"I'm a fucking idiot. Huge, hopeless idiot. How did I even graduate med school?" Holly thought to herself as she was overcome with a sudden realization. Talking about Gail to Anne was easy because Holly memorized every little quirk, habit and personality trait that Gail had, memorized every part of her body, those piercing blue eyes, the curves of her face, her adorable looks she would give. She knew everything about Gail because every part of Holly was in love with her. Completely and utterly in love with her and there was no convincing in the world that was going to be able to stop these feelings.

"What the hell am I even doing here?" She said out loud. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to be away from Gail. She never should have step one toe on that plane. She should have stayed and been there in any way that Gail needed her. Been there to help her prepare for Sophie, for motherhood. She should be there holding her in her arms every night when they fall asleep.

Now she was feeling panic, like she might be too late. Panic that she took too long to realize she was a complete lunatic to ever think she could get over Gail. She knew she couldn't stay here another day, another hour. She put her headphones back in and immediately started running faster than her usual pace. Running to get home andpack a suitcase and get on a plane. She'd already decided she'd be taking the next plane that left to anywhere close to Toronto.

As her brain quiets down for a moment she can hear the song playing in her ears

_Dreams, that's where I have to go  
To see your beautiful face anymore  
I stare at a picture of you and listen to the radio  
Hope, hope there's a conversation  
We both admit we had it good  
But until then it's alienation, I know  
That much is understood  
And I realize_

_If you ask me how I'm doing  
I would say I'm doing just fine  
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind  
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two  
And finally I'm forced to face the truth,  
No matter what I say I'm not over you  
Not over you  
_

"I thought I deleted all these kinds of songs dammit" she says to herself. But instead of skipping it, she listens and almost laughs at the nearly perfect timing. She didn't need another sign, but confirmation never hurts.

She made it to the airport in record time, having tossed everything she could fit into her suitcase and left her apartment, calling the airline on the drive over to see what flights were available. As luck would have it, she managed to book a seat on a flight headed to Toronto in 2 hours. Granted she had to pay a steep first class right price, but she didn't care. She just needed to get there as soon as possible.

She called her boss before leaving for the airport and explained while she was eternally grateful for the opportunity he gave to her, she would have to move back to Toronto for personal reasons that needed her immediate attention. He sounded disappointed, having seen Holly's potential, but said he understood and wished her the best of luck with her future endeavors. Holly had meant it when she was she was grateful for the opportunity, but she also knew she wasn't even a little sad about leaving. In a previous life, before Gail, work made her feel happy, satisfied, and usually trumped her personal life. Post-Gail however, she wasn't happy just having her work. It was no longer enough to keep her happy. In fact, the only thing that was enough was Gail. She still felt like a complete idiot for not realizing it sooner.

Holly took to her very spacious and cozy first class plane seat, grasping her lunchbox keychain in her hand and she stared out the window waiting for the plane to start moving towards the runway. She took a big sigh as the speakers started to crackle.

"Hello passengers, this is your Captain speaking. Wheels will be up in about 15 minutes where we will be heading to Toronto, arriving at approximately 2:30pm. Sit back, relax, and enjoy your flight and thank you for choosing Air Canada."

She didn't have a plan when she got there, she hadn't really thought it through. Her only plan thus far was that she was going to show up on Gail's doorstep and hope like hell that it wasn't too late.

She had left her heart in Toronto and hell or high water she was determined to get it back.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

Gail had gotten a call from her social worker Anne who had asked her to meet her a half hour before Gail's regular visit with Sophie. She was nervous, she couldn't tell from Anne's neutral tone whether the reasoning behind the meeting was good or bad. Her heart was racing the entire time she spent in her car driving to meet Anne at the park where Sophie's foster mom would be bringing Sophie to for Gail's visit. She had gotten very attached to Sophie during the few months she had been spending with her and didn't let herself imagine what would happen if they had denied Gail's adoption application. Until now. Now it was all she could think about since that phone call. What if Anne is going to tell her that her application was denied? With Holly gone in another country, Sophie was all Gail had left and she wasn't sure her heart could handle another loss.

She walked up to the bench where she saw Anne sitting and Anne had noticed Gail's incredibly nervous facial expression and the crack in her voice as she greeted her.

"Don't look so terrified Gail, I'm here with good news, not bad."

Gail let out a loud sigh of relief. "Oh thank God. I was freaking myself out the entire way here. I really can't even stomach the thought of not getting Sophie."

Anne flashed Gail a reassuring smile. "I apologize if my phone call scared you. I just didn't want to talk about this over the phone, I wanted to do it in person." She paused and Gail was hanging on every word, anxiously awaiting the next ones to leave her mouth. "I wanted to meet with you today to let you know that we've made some great progress in your adoption application. All of your references had amazing things to say about you and none of them doubted your abilities to take this on. Of course you being a police officer made your background checks quite easy, so there was no surprise there." She paused again giving Gail a moment to take it all in. "Look Gail, officially I'm not allowed to say that this is a done deal, we still have to come and do a couple home visits and have a few more group sessions with you and Sophie together to talk, but unofficially I wanted to let you know that you should start to prepare yourself for Sophie coming home with you in the coming weeks."

Gail had a frozen expression on her face. She had heard the words, but she was still processing. She had been waiting for this moment and now that it was here she felt a surge of emotions all at once and needed a moment before she could speak.

"I….I…oh my God I can't even put these feelings into words. I can't even express how badly I wanted to hear you say that. Sophie makes me so happy and I want you to know that I am going to do everything within my power to make sure I make her as happy as she makes me and give her the life she deserves." Gail now had the biggest of smiles across her face and could barely stay seated.

"I know you will Gail. And I also know Sophie feels just as happy as you whenever you are around. She keeps asking if she is going to get to go home with you. I don't want us to say anything to her yet though, not until all the legal paperwork is completed."

Gail nodded in agreement. "Of course, I understand. I really appreciate you telling me."

Anne smiled once more at Gail. "Of course. I wanted to give you a little bit of reassurance because I know how stressful this process can be. But I think there's someone here that would like to steal your attention away now" and points in the direction of Sophie, who had spotted Gail from across the park and was now running towards them.

"Gail! Gail!" Sophie exclaimed as she ran into Gail with arms open and wrapped her in a hug. Gail scooped up the little girl in a hug and felt tears starting to form behind her eyes. Sophie released herself from the hug and gave Gail a confused look.

"Gail, why are you crying? Are you sad?"

Gail shook her head "No no honey, I'm not sad. I'm just very happy to see you."

"Well you don't have to cry about being happy silly! Can we go play now? I have a new game I want to show you!"

Gail followed Sophie towards the playground with a smile on her face. Soon she was going to be able to call this little girl her daughter. _Daughter_ she said to herself. The word felt good. It felt right.

After her visit with Sophie Gail was still smiling like an idiot. She was feeling relieved and happy that things were finally starting to go her way for once. Once she sat in the car she immediately wanted to call Holly and tell her the news. Though they were just friends, Holly was the first person Gail wanted to share this with. She moved her finger over to Holly's contact in her phone and dialed. The phone went directly to voicemail.

"Huh, that's weird. Her phone is never usually off" Gail thought to herself. She turned the ignition on and decided she would try again once she got home.

As she pulled her car up to the driveway of her townhouse that she had moved into once she decided to start the adoption process and she froze as she noticed a very familiar brunette sitting on her front porch with a suitcase sitting beside her. She rubbed her eyes in case she was seeing things. Nope, Holly was still there.

"What the hell is going on?" Gail said to herself outloud. Holly registered Gail's presence and smiled at her and waved.

* * *

Holly was nervous, terrified actually. She had been sitting and waiting for Gail for the last 2 hours but she didn't care. She would have sat on that front porch the entire day if that's what it took. She briefly debating seeing if Gail was at the station, but decided against it because she wanted to do this in private. If she was going to pour her heart out and try and get Gail back she didn't want to do it in an observation room with a criminal onlooker.

_Oh God here she comes. Calm down and breathe Holly, just say what you've been repeating in your head for the last few hours_ she said to herself, trying to calm her nerves. She couldn't tell if the look on Gail's face was a good or bad one, or just a completely confused one.

"Holly? What are you...how are you here?" Gail asked, her voice shaky and her eyes not breaking from Holly's as she continued to walk closer.

"So I'm in San Francisco working in a state of the art lab doing a job people would kill for in my shoes and I should be happy. I'm in a gorgeous city with a dream job and I should be happy. Except that I'm not. I'm miserable every day because no matter what job I have or what beautiful city I live in there is nothing that makes me happy anymore except for you. You and your sarcastic wit, your amazing blue eyes, your warm smile, the smell of your skin. I can't be happy anywhere else because you aren't there with me." Holly inhaled a deep breath but continued before Gail could say anything because she was determined to get it all out.

"I hung up the phone with your adoption worker and I had a gut wrenching realization that I was a complete idiot. There I was spending all my time trying to get over you, convincing myself that I would eventually be ok with being friends. Only as each day past it wasn't getting any easier and I wasn't feeling any happier. Hell, I even ate bags of cheese puffs on the nights where I felt particularly miserable missing you, and I friggin hate cheese puffs….basically what I'm saying is that I love you so damn much and I had to come back here for you, come back and see if I wasn't too late to get you back. I want you Gail, and not just as my friend. I want all of you and I'm sitting here on your doorstep hoping that you still feel the same."

There was a pause, Holly felt like her heart was going to beat right out of her chest while she awaited Gail's response. Gail's face was still staring in her direction with a look of shock. Holly still couldn't tell if it was good or bad. The silence finally broke when Gail started to speak.

"I went to the batting cages"

Holly was confused. "You what?"

Gail repeated. "I went to the batting cages. Alone. I went there because I was missing you and wanted to feel close to you somehow. I actually hit a ball too…well barely but it made contact with the bat and that's close enough." She stepped closer to Holly and took a seat beside her on the porch.

She took Holly's face into her hands and started to speak again. "If it wasn't obvious, what I'm trying to say is that of course I still feel the same. I haven't stopped missing you a single minute since I had to let you walk onto that plane. I love you Holly, and I am pretty convinced now that no matter what I ever try to do, that is never going to change." She leaned closed and met her lips with Holly's, the kiss turning into unspoken promises that they were in this for the long haul, together, as it deepened.

As their lips parted Holly smiled and looked into Gail's eyes. "So, I'm homeless and jobless now. You've got yourself a pretty good catch here, Officer." She smirked.

Gail smiled back at her. "You're not homeless Lunchbox, you're home."

Gail started to stand up and reached out to take Holly's hand in her own. "Let's go get you unpacked. I have so many things to tell you. Not to mention, we have a lot of sex to make up for. Like, a lot. You owe me. You made me hold a baseball bat again. It was traumatizing Holly."

Holly let out a vigorous laugh and took Gail's hand and followed her into the house. Their house. Gail was right, she was home.

**A/N: So I could have ended this here but I have one final chapter I wanted to write that I had in my head before I started this. Thank you for reading! I'll post the last chapter soon. **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Ok here it is, the final chapter. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. I never meant for this one to go on for too long, just a quick "fix it" fic that I hope will come to life in any way even remotely close to this when the show comes back for season 6. I have a few other ideas I want to start working on now that this is completed. So here it is, enjoy (hopefully)!**

Chapter 8

Holly sat out on the front porch lounge with a large mug of tea in her hand, taking in the fresh air and watching the sun slowly rise. It was early on a Sunday morning and she enjoyed the serene feeling of watching the world get ready to start the day. She sat peacefully, sipping on her tea and fiddling around with the ring that gripped around her ring finger. She had been wearing it for quite some time now and while at first playing around with it was due to the fact it was a new sensation to have that ring around her finger, now it became a habit she didn't even realized she had. The silence of the morning was interrupted by a familiar, groggy voice. "Here you are" Gail stated, her eyes only half open, rubbing them with her hand. Holly looked over at her wife and smiled, "I hope I didn't wake you up. I know how you loathe early mornings" she replied.

"It's ok, the bed is too empty for me to stay asleep anyway" Gail grinned, before continuing, "How are 2 of my 3 very favourite people doing on this early, early Sunday morning?"

Holly took a moment to reach down and put her free hand on her ever growing stomach and replied, "Well this little one here decided that 5am was more than enough time to sleep and if I've learned anything, it's that trying to resist a Peck is an impossible feat, even one still in the womb."

Holly knew she was a goner the moment Gail called her Lunchbox in the forest on their first case together. Something in her knew that Gail was going to be trouble, but exactly the right kind of trouble that would make her fall hopelessly in love. They've had their share of bumps in the road, but all of it had led them here. Holly had landed herself an equally amazing job a few months after returning from San Francisco with Gail there to support her every step of the way. Sophie came to live with them around the same time and they quickly settled into their family groove. She felt like she had it all, an amazing job, an amazing little girl that quickly warmed her heart and an incredible soon to be wife. She remembered the day that Gail had proposed to her as though it were yesterday.

_She noticed Gail was unusually snarky, even for Gail, as though she was trying to deflect something, nervousness most likely. They had made plans that night to go to the batting cages with Sophie, no doubt Sophie's idea Holly presumed as the last time they had gone there together Gail made her less than stellar baseball skills painfully obvious as she threw her bat across the cage and squealed like a little school girl and professed her undying hatred of the sport. She was clearly embarrassed, and Holly thought it had been the most adorable thing she'd ever seen. It wasn't officially a date, but there had been something growing between them and she liked to think that it was their first unofficial date after she had planted that kiss on her in the coatroom at the wedding. _

_They arrived at the batting cages, Sophie seeming awfully excited about the opportunity to slam around some baseballs while Gail surprisingly hadn't made a single complaint about where they were. Gail and Holly watched as Sophie took her turn in the batting cage, watching proudly as she managed to hit each and every ball that came her way._

"_Wow" Holly said, "We might have to sign her up for a baseball team this year! WOOO Sophie! That's my girl!" Holly could feel Gail staring at her and turned to see Gail looking at her with a giant goofy smile on her face. "What? We can't all hate sports, Officer Peck" Holly winked as she finished her sentence. Gail didn't say anything, just keep looking in awe with a smile on her face. Holly thought Gail was acting very strange, but couldn't quite put her finger on what could possibly be going on with her the last couple days. _

_They had the entire batting cage arena to themselves that night, which Holly thought was bizarre, given that it was usually quite a popular place. Gail finally decided to break her stare to motion to the helmets, "You're up Holly. Don't let Sophie embarrass you with her supreme batting skills" Sophie let out a little giggle as she walked over to stand beside Gail._

"_Well, I wouldn't want to let my girls down now would I. But I'm not going to lie Soph, you're skills are impressive. I'll see what I can do" Holly replied. _

_As she walked towards the helmets Sophie called out, "I already got your lucky helmet picked out, it's the one on the top right. Trust me." Holly grinned and reached for her so called lucky charm, and as she lifted the helmet, she stopped and stared at what she uncovered hidden underneath. A ring. A shiny, beautiful ring nestled in a white box. She couldn't look away from it, and was sure she hadn't been breathing for a few moments. She felt a hand grab a hold of hers and she turned around to see Gail standing in front of her, Sophie standing a few feet behind giggling and covering her giant smile with her hands._

_Gail inhaled deeply before starting to speak. "Holly Stewart, Sophie and I have decided that you need to marry me because you are the most wonderful person I have ever had the privilege of having in my life. I want to spend the rest of our lives making you as happy as you've made me. So, what do you say? How does spending the rest of your life with me and Sophie sound?" _

_Holly felt like time had stood still, like the universe was on pause and the only thing that existed was her, Gail and Sophie, and the ring staring her in the face. She grabbed the box and said "Yes, Yes a million times over Gail. I will marry you." She grabbed Gail's face and embraced her in a kiss filled with passion and love, love that Holly hadn't realized existed before Gail came barging into her life. As they pulled apart from their kiss, Sophie was cheering and ran up to Holly and gave her the biggest hug. Holly looked at this little family she had found herself a part of and felt incredibly lucky. She quickly learned why Gail had fallen for that little girl and it took her no time at all to feel the same. With Gail and Sophie standing there smiling at her, Holly grabbed the box and turned to Gail and said "now get this ring on my finger." Gail quickly complied, "right away Mrs. Peck" and slid the ring onto Holly's ring finger, the smile never leaving her face. _

_Now I suddenly understand why this place is a ghost town tonight. I suppose that had something to do with you?" Holly raised a brow in Gail's direction. _

"_Well, I may or may not have threatened to arrest him if he didn't comply with my request. I can be very persuasive you know, Holly" Gail returned Holly's raised brow and added a wink. "Now let's get out of here, I made us some delicious dinner plans"_

"_oh no no no, you're not getting off that easy. You still have to prove to me that you were able to hit a baseball like you claimed you did. Get in there slugger, show us what you've got." Holly turned to giggle in Sophie's direction, both laughing at the sight of Gail's highly unimpressed expression._

"_I'm suddenly starting to feel as though I should have picked a different venue to propose… ok fine I will do it. BUT, if I hit one, as a prize to me, you and I are going to have one wild night of…" Gail quickly stopped herself from finishing that sentence, forgetting momentarily that Sophie was standing right there. "…of twister. A wild night of playing twister."_

_Holly let out a loud laugh while Sophie glared back and forth between them not quite sure what had been so funny. "You have a deal, my gorgeous fiancé." Holly replied while giving Gail a look that let her know what was going to be waiting for her when they got home. She handed Gail a helmet and bat and gave her a light tap on her butt as she walked towards the cage. _

_Their wedding had been a small but beautiful event, more than either of them could have asked for. Their closest friends and family all there to share their day. Shortly after the wedding they decided to move just outside the hustle of the city into this lovely century home big enough for their soon to be growing family. They spent many weekends in a row painting and renovating together as a family to make the house their home. _

Gail, still half asleep, walked over and plopped herself beside Holly and turned to lay down with her head on Holly's lap, face turned towards her stomach. Holly ran her fingers through Gail's hair as she listened to her wife talking to their son. "Listen little man, your momma is right, you are going to be born with the innate Peck skill of being irresistible. I'm going to teach you how to use that to your advantage. But don't tell momma, she can't learn our secret powers. Your sister Sophie has proven to be an excellent young protégé, your momma is practically butter in her hands. You two are gonna rule the world."

Holly laughed, "Not fair, I am starting to feel like I'm going to be fighting an ever losing battle here with odds of 3-1."

"That's ok Lunchbox, we'll take care of you." Gail replied, looking up at Holly and flashing her a warm smile. "Now what do you say we go and wake our teenage sleeping dragon and have a family breakfast. I'm feeling very awake now with the prospect of bacon and pancakes."

Gail got up and placed a soft kiss on Holly's lips before she made her way back into the house. Holly sat quietly for one more moment before following her wife, taking a deep breath of the fresh morning air and thanking the universe for letting her share every day with this family she and Gail had created. It was far from easy getting here, but even if she was given the chance to do it all over again, she wouldn't change a thing.


End file.
